Mackenzie Carose

6 Month Check-In: A Year of Renewal

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2022 Vision Board

Back in January, I wrote about creating my vision board for 2022 and the words that I chose to encompass what I thought the next 12 months would bring forth. I spoke about the feelings of renewal and rebirth, and how those were the words and feelings that I would be focusing on for the next 365 days. You can read more about that here: The Road I am Taking: Vision Board 2022.

So, how is it going? It is going along as I thought it would. I wasn’t going into this year thinking massive changes would simply happen overnight. I wasn’t going to just suddenly wake up and be the butterfly without going through the caterpillar stage at all. I knew there would be ups and downs, highs and lows, shedding old thoughts and thinking new ones.

The renewal is happening, just at its own pace.

A big goal for me this year is to be more comfortable in my own skin. Self-esteem comes to some more easily than others and it is something that I continue to work on. Childhood trauma can do a number on your thinking process and how you view yourself and I have had to do the work in changing how I view myself. I still have moments that I think that I am not good enough to do something, but I always follow up that thought with “why not me?” The only person I limit with my lack of faith in myself, is myself. Anything negative that pops in my head, I try to follow it up with something positive. This has helped me tremendously. I am not my thoughts. Thoughts are something that happen, but I do not encompass them.

My health is an ongoing part of my life that I focus on daily. I exercise most days of the week, try to incorporate as much fruit and veg as I can, and drink water. Meditating has helped me as well. 10-15 minutes in the evening has been conducive to helping me deal with anxiety.

I mentioned that when creating my vision board, I really wanted to focus more on writing and photography as those are my true creative outlets. On the writing front, I have definitely accomplished that. I have done pretty well at getting a blog post up at least once a week which would equal 52 posts for the year which is quite a lot. I may or may not hit the 52-post goal of sorts, but I am writing as much as possible which makes me happy.

I have not been as active on the photography front if I am being honest. I used to enjoy taking photos and posting them to Instagram but my enjoyment for that particular platform has been waning for several months now. I am thinking of just taking photos and maybe tinkering around with them to get better at editing and shadowing and the different kinds of light you can use, etc… Maybe a photography course of sorts? I am not sure. I will have to think about this one for a bit.

Mais Oui I am learning French! I am true beginner however so I can’t hold conversations yet or anything, but I am challenging myself every day to learn more. I am using the app Duolingo which was recommended to me by a friend. It is really easy to use, and they have many languages to choose from if you are interested in learning a new one as well!

The phrase “in need of a new outlook” is something that was important to me back in January when I created this vision board and it is still important now, 6 months in. Old thoughts and ways of seeing things are giving way to new thoughts and ideas. Part of having a vision board is envisioning a different kind of future, a different kind of life than the one you have now. My new outlook is helping me see goals and accomplishments that I thought I could never have, but now know, are within my reach. Remember earlier I said the phrase “why not me?” These 3 words help me see things in such a different perspective. My path may be meandering and go in different directions sometimes, but I will get there. I can do it.

This is still the year of renewal and rebirth. That hasn’t changed. I am still finding my way and trusting that where I am today matters for who I am tomorrow.

I am walking to the beat of my own drum and I kind of like it.

Getting Back to Who You Were

By Mackenzie 5 Comments

I have this quote that has been saved on my phone for quite a while and I shared it recently on Instagram:

It’s so funny how so much of “finding yourself” in adulthood is simply getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child.

I find this quote apropos to me and my life because for several months, I felt lost as to what I wanted to do or accomplish. I spoke more about dealing with these unexpected feelings in Here, There, and Everywhere. I was feeling at the time that I should be doing big, giant things, but what were they exactly? I didn’t know. But I couldn’t stop this knowing that I had deep down inside that there was more for me, and I just had to tap into what exactly that was. Subconsciously, I had to let what was meant for me and my life’s path just bubble up to the surface and make its presence known. Which it did… eventually.

Look at the quote above again. Now look specifically at the part where it says, “getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child”. What did I love as a child? Well, reading was number 1 for sure. I can’t live without books! But what else did I love? WRITING. I loved to write. When I was younger, I wrote poems and songs and saved them all in this notebook. I loved words. Words could transform a simple sentence into something breathtaking. Words could make you feel things. Words have the power to heal.

I have always wanted to write.

I enjoy blogging and this platform because I get to do what I enjoy. But in the midst of all the turmoil in my head about what I should or shouldn’t be doing all those months ago, I lost sight of what sparks my creativity. Sometimes we lose our way and that is okay. It is something that happens more than not. But I knew this rut I was in and these feelings I was feeling were trying to tell me something. So I dove in, headfirst, leaning into the feeling and not ignoring it.

While this feeling was percolating in the background, I listened to a lot of podcasts and read different motivational and/or self-help books. I looked at people whom I admire, and asked myself what was it about them that I admired so much? Why did I find value in what they were saying and the message they were elucidating? What was pushing forth towards the surface?

Guys, all the people I admired were writers. What they were saying and sharing reminded me of what I want to say and share and what I continue to do, even right now. Those months of me trying to find myself when really, I was here the whole time, typing away, doing my thing. Sharing. Words.

Sharing words. That is me. That is what I enjoy doing. I write on a blog, and I hope to be able to share my work in other places as well. But man, when that epiphany came, I almost cried tears of joy because I had been standing in my own way, spiraling because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing when I really, I had been doing it the whole time.

Freedom.

If what I am saying resonates with you and you are feeling stuck like something else is out there, but you don’t know what, I encourage you to think about what you liked doing when you were a child. Did you enjoy painting? Playing outside? Were you one of those that liked to rearrange their room over and over? Maybe you are interested in interior design. The point is, is it doesn’t have to be some huge thing, nor does it necessitate a career change, but if you are missing and/or needing a creative outlet, think about what brought you joy when you were younger.

Joy can be found in the unexpected.

Lessons Learned from a Simple Room Rearrangement

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This past January after all the bustle of the holidays was well indeed in the rearview, I decided I wanted to rearrange our combination living room and dining room area and move things around. We had lived with it, and it was fine. Until it wasn’t.

Placing a sofa near a particular window in January when the sun sets around 4:30 p.m., is much different than having the sun still drilling a hole in your eyeball at 7:30 p.m. in the summer. Apartment blinds try to do the best they can but can only do so much in combating the fiery brilliance of the sun. The flow to the space was also off and it felt like you had to do some sort of weird tango to get from one side of the room to the other. I also wanted the sofa to face our patio and have that view to look out at as I drink my morning coffee, so a room rearrangement was definitely in order.

With my husband’s help, because couches are heaaaaavvvvvy, the room is more functionable and the space more inviting. I have a view of our hummingbird feeder which is nice to see when the hummingbirds are utilizing it and I can see my plants which in the summer sun, are blooming to their fullest extent.

In the midst of all of these niceties that come with changing up one’s space, I learned some lessons along the way.

(*) Flow is important. Furniture placement is fundamental to how a room works. Too many furniture pieces and you are constantly bumping into them. Too little and you have nowhere to place your very important cup of coffee. You have to live in the room as well as be able to move around in it. Previously, the room felt tight, and we lacked the ability to freely move as we normally would. Winding oneself around furniture to get to the back patio door, is not something I would recommend. Now the space feels plentiful and open.

(*) Window views are everything. Morning light versus afternoon light. How do the changing hours affect the space? We learned this lesson definitively over the past 6 months. The morning light is soft and calming, the afternoon sun, harsh and unforgiving. No one should get a sunburn simply from sitting on the sofa at the wrong time of day so moving one of them against the window as opposed to facing the window, made a world of difference. Outdoor views of our patio area as well as the greenery right outside our apartment window helped make the space feel airy. The natural light from the windows and patio door help to bring in an illumination that is buoyant yet peaceful.

(*) Walls can close off a space as well as open it up. Before our most recent rearrangement, each wall had some sort of picture hanging on it. Whether it was artwork or a family photo, the walls had adornment and it seemed to work fine as the room was designed previously. Once the furniture was moved to its new space, I realized how open and expansive the room felt without any frames nailed into the wall. There was even a slight echo that until that moment, had not been heard. The room felt clear and spacious. With the walls left uncovered, I felt like I could breathe in the space. The only item on the wall is the clock and right now that is all we need. I may add an art piece back onto a wall at some point, I may not. At this particular moment, the walls are staying unadorned.

(*) There is always something to get rid of. Decluttering is always an ongoing process. Sometimes items that you have held onto no longer hold any value. Other times, things make their way into your home that were unplanned and now it is time to get rid of it. We realized after moving things around, that we really do not like our entertainment center. It is bulky and heavy, and we don’t utilize it as we should. We have not sold it yet, but we plan to. We would like to eventually get a simple narrow console table that would work just as well and not take up nearly the same amount of space. Looking at your space from a different view helps you to notice what is working in your living space and what is not.

(*) Finally, my love for neutrals has not dissipated. Neutrals are my favorite to decorate with as they are pleasing to the eye and not jarring. I know this view is perspectival and not everyone enjoys having white walls and cream-colored sofas. That is absolutely okay. For me, neutral decor mixed with natural light gives off the calm yet cozy vibe that I am going for. It is a space to relax and just be.

Our living space reflects who we are. It is also a space to be yourself and where you literally feel “most at home”. If you are feeling the need as well to move things around in your space, go for it. The energy will feel different, and you might just learn something about yourself along the way in terms of what you find aesthetically pleasing. What do you like and what don’t you like when it comes to your style? Move a piece of furniture and find out.

The results might surprise you.