Mackenzie Carose

As The Page Turns: July Edition

By Mackenzie 2 Comments

I have probably read more books than what I have listed in this post but what is listed here, is what I actually remember reading 🙂 #gettingolder

The Comfort Book by Matt Haig

book and coffee

I absolutely enjoy anything that Matt Haig writes. He is brilliant. The Comfort Book is a collection of lists, stories, quotes and beautiful words to help you get through when you are having a particularly difficult time in your life. Again, brilliant. My copy that I read, was from the library but this book is definitely one I would like to purchase and keep on hand for those days when life is getting the better of me.

The Book of Cold Cases by Simone St. James

book on a table

I have previously read St. James’ other works including The Sun Down Motel and The Broken Girls. She is amazing at building a really great mystery while weaving in supernatural elements to the story without inducing eyerolls or heavy sighs. Her books are so good and once you start on page one, you are hard-pressed to actually put the book down. I definitely recommend giving The Book of Cold Cases a read!

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

This was my first time reading anything by Lamott and I have to say, I absolutely enjoyed this book. There were parts that made me literally laugh out loud and parts that brought tears to my eyes. She is a fabulous writer and I look forward to reading more of her work.

Fixation by Sandra Goldmark

Fixation was recommended by another blogger that I follow. This book revolves around people’s consumerism and how we don’t really fix anything anymore, we just go and purchase another trinket, widget, item, etc… and throw the broken item away, filling already overflowing landfills. While in some cases, there are definitely items that are not able to be salvaged, many, many items are fixable but companies either don’t want to fix it, they just want you to purchase a new one or companies don’t make the parts available needed to fix said item. The author also goes into detail about planned obsolescence and how companies purposely make things that will break sooner rather than latter so you have to purchase another one of their items. I found the topics interesting, and it really does make you look at items differently.

That’s it from me! Anything interesting that you have read recently? Let me know 🙂

6 Month Check-In: A Year of Renewal

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2022 Vision Board

Back in January, I wrote about creating my vision board for 2022 and the words that I chose to encompass what I thought the next 12 months would bring forth. I spoke about the feelings of renewal and rebirth, and how those were the words and feelings that I would be focusing on for the next 365 days. You can read more about that here: The Road I am Taking: Vision Board 2022.

So, how is it going? It is going along as I thought it would. I wasn’t going into this year thinking massive changes would simply happen overnight. I wasn’t going to just suddenly wake up and be the butterfly without going through the caterpillar stage at all. I knew there would be ups and downs, highs and lows, shedding old thoughts and thinking new ones.

The renewal is happening, just at its own pace.

A big goal for me this year is to be more comfortable in my own skin. Self-esteem comes to some more easily than others and it is something that I continue to work on. Childhood trauma can do a number on your thinking process and how you view yourself and I have had to do the work in changing how I view myself. I still have moments that I think that I am not good enough to do something, but I always follow up that thought with “why not me?” The only person I limit with my lack of faith in myself, is myself. Anything negative that pops in my head, I try to follow it up with something positive. This has helped me tremendously. I am not my thoughts. Thoughts are something that happen, but I do not encompass them.

My health is an ongoing part of my life that I focus on daily. I exercise most days of the week, try to incorporate as much fruit and veg as I can, and drink water. Meditating has helped me as well. 10-15 minutes in the evening has been conducive to helping me deal with anxiety.

I mentioned that when creating my vision board, I really wanted to focus more on writing and photography as those are my true creative outlets. On the writing front, I have definitely accomplished that. I have done pretty well at getting a blog post up at least once a week which would equal 52 posts for the year which is quite a lot. I may or may not hit the 52-post goal of sorts, but I am writing as much as possible which makes me happy.

I have not been as active on the photography front if I am being honest. I used to enjoy taking photos and posting them to Instagram but my enjoyment for that particular platform has been waning for several months now. I am thinking of just taking photos and maybe tinkering around with them to get better at editing and shadowing and the different kinds of light you can use, etc… Maybe a photography course of sorts? I am not sure. I will have to think about this one for a bit.

Mais Oui I am learning French! I am true beginner however so I can’t hold conversations yet or anything, but I am challenging myself every day to learn more. I am using the app Duolingo which was recommended to me by a friend. It is really easy to use, and they have many languages to choose from if you are interested in learning a new one as well!

The phrase “in need of a new outlook” is something that was important to me back in January when I created this vision board and it is still important now, 6 months in. Old thoughts and ways of seeing things are giving way to new thoughts and ideas. Part of having a vision board is envisioning a different kind of future, a different kind of life than the one you have now. My new outlook is helping me see goals and accomplishments that I thought I could never have, but now know, are within my reach. Remember earlier I said the phrase “why not me?” These 3 words help me see things in such a different perspective. My path may be meandering and go in different directions sometimes, but I will get there. I can do it.

This is still the year of renewal and rebirth. That hasn’t changed. I am still finding my way and trusting that where I am today matters for who I am tomorrow.

I am walking to the beat of my own drum and I kind of like it.

Getting Back to Who You Were

By Mackenzie 5 Comments

I have this quote that has been saved on my phone for quite a while and I shared it recently on Instagram:

It’s so funny how so much of “finding yourself” in adulthood is simply getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child.

I find this quote apropos to me and my life because for several months, I felt lost as to what I wanted to do or accomplish. I spoke more about dealing with these unexpected feelings in Here, There, and Everywhere. I was feeling at the time that I should be doing big, giant things, but what were they exactly? I didn’t know. But I couldn’t stop this knowing that I had deep down inside that there was more for me, and I just had to tap into what exactly that was. Subconsciously, I had to let what was meant for me and my life’s path just bubble up to the surface and make its presence known. Which it did… eventually.

Look at the quote above again. Now look specifically at the part where it says, “getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child”. What did I love as a child? Well, reading was number 1 for sure. I can’t live without books! But what else did I love? WRITING. I loved to write. When I was younger, I wrote poems and songs and saved them all in this notebook. I loved words. Words could transform a simple sentence into something breathtaking. Words could make you feel things. Words have the power to heal.

I have always wanted to write.

I enjoy blogging and this platform because I get to do what I enjoy. But in the midst of all the turmoil in my head about what I should or shouldn’t be doing all those months ago, I lost sight of what sparks my creativity. Sometimes we lose our way and that is okay. It is something that happens more than not. But I knew this rut I was in and these feelings I was feeling were trying to tell me something. So I dove in, headfirst, leaning into the feeling and not ignoring it.

While this feeling was percolating in the background, I listened to a lot of podcasts and read different motivational and/or self-help books. I looked at people whom I admire, and asked myself what was it about them that I admired so much? Why did I find value in what they were saying and the message they were elucidating? What was pushing forth towards the surface?

Guys, all the people I admired were writers. What they were saying and sharing reminded me of what I want to say and share and what I continue to do, even right now. Those months of me trying to find myself when really, I was here the whole time, typing away, doing my thing. Sharing. Words.

Sharing words. That is me. That is what I enjoy doing. I write on a blog, and I hope to be able to share my work in other places as well. But man, when that epiphany came, I almost cried tears of joy because I had been standing in my own way, spiraling because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing when I really, I had been doing it the whole time.

Freedom.

If what I am saying resonates with you and you are feeling stuck like something else is out there, but you don’t know what, I encourage you to think about what you liked doing when you were a child. Did you enjoy painting? Playing outside? Were you one of those that liked to rearrange their room over and over? Maybe you are interested in interior design. The point is, is it doesn’t have to be some huge thing, nor does it necessitate a career change, but if you are missing and/or needing a creative outlet, think about what brought you joy when you were younger.

Joy can be found in the unexpected.